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plot twist

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Jul 20 '18 | By Yakunitatanai | Views: 17 | Comments: 0
Life has been pretty rough and volatile for me these past few years. I was practically a living dead minus the physical ramshackle, hobble and an extreme craving for the greys in between the human ears. I am just alive  because I do not think, and never even thought that  suicide is an option. I wish however, to be hit by a screeching truck or a stray bullet or anything of the same sort. I was wishing to die. Consumed by wrath, anguish, bitterness, impatience and all other negativity, I went on with my life. I lived it as it is, burying all that shit in the deepest part of my heart and soul and became a demon. Yep, I do not have demons inside, because I am The Demon. I became such and the real life of me has diminished. 


I couldn't remember anymore, how I lived my life like that . Simply and usually, outside. Miserably inside. All the time, I was faking it. I was trying to be the same person for everybody but my inner  self  is struggling and tired and just all messed up. I have tried to fight it but I would fail every single time. I would go back to misery. I never stopped believing in God, but somehow I stopped obeying him. I never stopped praying but it seemed like my faith would waver and I could feel the domineering demon in me win again. Worst is, I'd let it win. 


And then something happened and changed my life. It is so hard to explain, not because  I think that people would not understand, but because they might not believe.  Lol I met a friend who influenced me to be calm, to look into the brighter side of everything, to be forgiving, to be  meek and humble (ang hirap maging meek though) and to top it all, to believe in God always and submit everything to Him. I am still struggling but at least I have started seeing the light and whenever I feel like dying,  I just remember all of the things that he keeps on telling me about. I feel a lot better though I still get the "episodes."


I am not sure if he will be able to read this but yep, thank you for your patience. I have driven you away for how many times, I could not even remember.  Thank you for not giving up on me.



More power! xx


<3

~J

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